Secondary Infertility


I have a big secret to tell that I have, until now, kept to myself and my husband.  I am infertile.  Almost 2 years ago, my husband and I wanted to try for another baby.  Our little girl was growing up and we thought it was a good time to start thinking about having another little one.  So August 2010, I threw out my pack of birth control pills and we began our adventure into trying to get pregnant.  I knew it would be some time before we would get pregnant as it doesn’t always happen right after coming off birth control.  And 6 months later, we got a positive pregnancy test.  I was swimming with joy.  Immense joy.  But March 25th 2011 we lost our little one in a way that I can only describe as traumatizing.  It’s been a year and it still hurts as if it happened yesterday.  We have been to countless doctors, taking multivitamins, exercising and short of dancing naked under the full moon and worshipping a fertility goddess, we still haven’t been able to get pregnant.  I am frustrated, beyond frustrated.  Our daughter was an “unexpected surprise” so I never thought that getting pregnant with the second one would be so hard.  I came across another blogger whose article “When One isn’t Enough” who made me finally realize I wasn’t the only one.  It’s definitely worth a read.

15 responses »

  1. You are so NOT alone! It’s very hard anytime it happens…I’ve lost four but have two. The what if’s still follow me…I am so sorry for your loss and hope that soon your second will find you.

  2. There is so much hidden pain associated with infertility, so many reminders around us all the time of what we have lost or never hand. People are very tactless with the comments they make and for some reason seem to think it is open territory and they freely give advice on how to get pregnant or ask questions about why you don’t have children or when you are going to have another. I have even been quizzed about whether I have had tests to find out why I have not conceived. I find it very hurtful when people assume and vocalize their opinion that I have chosen to have a career instead of having a family and that I must dislike children. How little they know about the years of unspeakable grief.

    • Sometimes people say things that they think will make you feel better, but until they experience it, they will never know the only thing that will make it better is if we had never lost it in the first place. I would have 5 month old now and it hurt so bad when I lost it. I had a belly, my bosses knew at work and I was training my replacement. I had a name picked out and we had even told our daughter that she was going to be a big sister. It hurt so bad when she asked me “Where did the baby go?” Its not just a woman’s loss, but the entire family

  3. so sorry to hear about your loss. I had no idea. I feel so bad for those who are struggling to get pregnant. It seems my husband just had to look at me and I conceived. If we had started in our early 20’s, instead of mid 30’s, I am a bit afraid as to how many children I would have by now!

    hopefully you both get to know the joy of conception again soon.

  4. I’m so sorry you had to suffer through a miscarriage. I went through it almost 7 years ago and even though I have 3 healthy beautiful children I still hurt sometimes thinking of it. I truly hope that things will turn around for you and that you will be blessed with a sibling for your daughter. Keeping my fingers crossed.

  5. In excess of 4 million people today in the United States are afflicted by secondary infertility. Now, you are perhaps thinking about what this is and how is it multiple from just infertility? This kind of infertility is the inability to conceive or carry a young child to entire-time period when the beginning of a biological toddler. The Nationwide Heart for Infertility reports that secondary infertility is greater familiar than major infertility.

  6. Did I tell you about the new infertility community I started? Please head over to Clomid and Cabernet and chat with some of the others in the Forum (message boards) or read the stories people are sharing…it’s becoming a great little place for people experiencing all kinds of infertility.

  7. Did I tell you about the new infertility community that I started? Please stop by Clomid and Cabernet and chat with some of the other moms/hopefuls in the Forum (message boards) or read stories shared by others (bloggers and non-bloggers). It’s really becoming a nice little spot for people to share their voices and feel more connected.

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