Monthly Archives: July 2012

A Tisket, A Tasket

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A Tisket, A Tasket

A tisket, a tasket,

A green and yellow basket.

I wrote a letter to my love,

And on the way I dropped it.

I dropped it, I dropped,

And on the way I dropped it.

A little boy picked it up

And put it in his pocket.

 

Roud Folk Song

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National Hot Fudge Day

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Mmm I would love a Hot Fudge Sundae

National Food Days in New York City

Ohhh yeah, now this is what I’m talkin’ about!! I can definitely get behind this national food holiday. Hot fudge sundaes are what makes ice cream so freakin’ great: you have your already sweet, cold frozen ice cream in any flavors you wish (though chocolate and vanilla are the staples), and you cover those scoops with hot, dripping, gooey chocolate sauce. Add chopped nuts, whipped cream, and a cherry on top, and you’ve got the quintessential hot fudge sundae. (Food for thought: the “hot fudge” in a hot fudge sundae has very little similarity with the culinary definition of fudge!) Of course, over the decades we’ve added bells and whistles and doo-dads to the sundae, but this is really the classic version and nothing beats a classic. Besides, who can pass up the gooey chocolate sauce running into the slowly melting pools of ice cream, the combination so sweet you…

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Quotes About Miscarriage

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“An Angel in the book of life, wrote down my babies birth.  Then whispered as she closed the book, ‘Too beautiful for Earth.'”

There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world”

“Some say you are too painful to remember, I say you are too precious to forget!”

“How very softly you tiptoed into our world, almost silently, only a moment you stayed.  But what an imprint your footsteps have left upon our hearts” – Dorothy Ferguson

“A moment in our arms, a lifetime in our hearts.”

“They gave so much to be so little, but Angels always do.”

“Dear Lord, I would have loved to hold my baby on my lap and tell them about you, but since I didn’t get the chance, would you please hold them on yours and tell them about me?”

“Each new life, no matter how brief, forever changes the world.”

“There is, I am convinced, no picture that conveys in all its dreadfullnes, a vision of sorrow, despairing, remediless, supreme.  If I could paint such a picture, the canvas would show only a woman looking down at her empty arms.” – Charlotte Bronte

“I held you every second of your life.” – Stephanie Paige Cole

“No one can know how much I love you, because you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.”

“If every tear we shed for you became a star above, you’d stroll in Angel’s garden, lit by everlasting love.”

“If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.”

“A person’s a person, no matter how small.” – Dr. Seuss

“It has been said time heals all wounds, I do not agree.  The wounds remain.  In time, the mind protecting it’s sanity covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it’s never gone.” – Rose Kennedy

“Breathe.  Listen for my footfall in your heart.  I am not gone but merely walk within you.” – Nicholas Evans

“If I had lost a leg, I would tell them, instead of a boy, no one would ever ask me if I was ‘over it’.  They would ask me how I was doing learning to walk without my leg.  I was learning to walk and to breathe and to live without Wade.  And what I was learning is that it was never going to be the life I had before.” – Elizabeth Edwards

“It’s a happy life, but someone is missing.  It’s a happy life, and someone is missing.” – Elizabeth McCracken

lifestyle.ca.msn.com

Bio Oil Challenge Revisited

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On April 23rd, I posted that I would be partaking in the Bio Oil Challenge.  According to the company, by rubbing the oil on your stretch marks for three months, twice a day in circular motion, your stretch marks will fade.

I have to admit, I didn’t rub the oil on my belly twice a day for three months.  I was pretty intermittent with it actually.  I started off doing the twice a day for the first two weeks and I did notice a difference.  But life got in the way and soon it was once a day, then every other day and then once or twice a week when I remembered.

It became a bit of a pain to remember to do it in the morning after the shower and then before I went to bed.  I found that I would have to wait a while until the oil sunk in and if I didn’t, my clothes would get the oil on them and a little would seep through the front.  I wasn’t a fan of oil marks on the belly of my shirt, looked like I competed in a greasy cheeseburger eating contest.  And I didn’t always have the time to wait as being a working mom with a toddler, my schedule doesn’t always allow me the free time to sit, rub oil on myself, much to my Hubby’s chagrin 😉 , and let it dry.

So despite my lackadaisical effort in the Bio Oil Challenge I created myself, I will say that there was some noticeable results.  My stretch marks are  lighter than they were and I’m sure with continued effort on my part, they will lighten even more.  I wasn’t expecting them to go away entirely, but I am impressed with how they faded taking into account my inconsistency.  Based on this, I give Bio Oil 3.5 out of 5.

Product Review – Boogie Wipes

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Before today, I had never heard of Boogie Wipes by Little Busy Bodies, Inc.  I was at Toys ‘R’ Us today and Miss Princess’ nose was running like a faucet.  I told Hubby that we needed to get something because I had no tissues in my purse and all I could use to wipe her nose was left over receipts from my wallet.  Princess was running away from me screaming.

“Mommy, that hurts!” She would cover her nose with her hands and run away and hide like I was the Boogey Man (pun intended).

“Can you please stop hiding?  I really need to wipe your nose,” I pleaded.

Hubby had mumbled something to me but I was too busy to chasing her around that I didn’t even hear what he said.  I assumed he picked up a small case of wipes or something, but it wasn’t until we had stopped for lunch that I took the package out of the shopping bag that I realized it was specifically for boogers.

It is made with natural saline to dissolve the mucus and has Vitamin E, Chamomile & Aloe to soothe sore little red noses.  It is alcohol free, hypoallergenic and is gentle for kids of all ages.  The package I purchased was grape scented to which Princess said, “It smells like candy Mommy.”

When the Princess’ nose usually runs, I use either regular tissues or baby wipes.  I find that while they take care of the loose, wet stuff, the dried crusted stuff doesn’t come off without repeated wipes.  And my Princess hates repeated wipes.  I was surprised when this stuff wiped the dried stuff off in just one wipe.  Princess didn’t mind me wiping her nose this time.  For a 30 pack, it only cost $3.99 and is for external use only.

Goodguide.com rates this product an 8 out of 10 as it has some ingredients that raise a low-level health concern.  The ingredients that raise concern are Iodopropynyl Butylcarbamate and Phenoxyethanol.  Phenoxyethanol  is a preservative that is primarily used in cosmetics and medications. It also can depress the central nervous system and may cause vomiting and diarrhea, which can lead to dehydration in infants according to the FDA.  Iodopropynyl Butylcarbamate is a water-based preservative agent originally used in the wood and paint industries, now also used in some cosmetics and personal care formulations.  Use is restricted in some countries due to its toxicity, especially acute inhalation toxicity.  According to the site, the ingredients are not potent in small doses, but only when exposed to high levels.

For this product, I am only giving it a 3 out of 5.  The deciding factors are cost, ease of use, and the negative ingredients.  You can visit the Boogie Wipes on Facebook and Twitter.  I received no compensation for this review and this is all my own opinion from my own experience.  I found facts about the ingredients online.

Boogie Wipes

Learning to “Grin and Bear it”

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Since learning that I am infertile, one of the hardest things I’ve had to come to terms with is learning to ‘grin and bear it’.  I will admit it is not one of my strongest personality traits as I am one of those people who whatever I am feeling is almost guaranteed to show on my face.  If it’s annoyance, anger, disbelief, happiness, or sadness, the expression is there on my face.  I don’t like to hide, I don’t like to lie, but at the same time, sometimes the time and place for such conversations are not appropriate.  My Princess is almost 4 years old now and many of our friends and family are having children.  And with that, the question Hubby and I dread is being asked at every turn.

“So,” they cheerfully ask, poking me in the abdomen.  “When is she getting a brother or a sister.”

Cue the awkward smile and shift in my stance.  Most of the time they corner Hubby and I alone so we are unable to lean on each other for support or help with the answer.  I know they don’t do it out of spite or malice, but I cringe when I am asked it.

“Oh, umm, you know, hmm, when it happens.  We’ll see how it goes.”  I divert my eyes anywhere but in theirs.  I don’t want to have to see their expression when I don’t give them a straight forward answer.  How do I say, “Well my prolactin levels are extremely high and have drained my estrogen levels so my body is incapable of maintaining any pregnancy and my ovaries are not releasing any eggs.  My body is essentially going into early menopause and I’m only 26. Oh and my ovaries are covered in cysts.”  That doesn’t really make for a great conversation.  It is one thing for me to be uncomfortable, but I really wouldn’t want to be the cause of someone else’s discomfort.  I’ve had strangers on the bus ask me, teachers at my daughter’s daycare, coworkers, friends, family and everyone else in between.  I haven’t yet found a suitable answer.

So many people I know are having babies.  My sister is pregnant and so is a close family member.  My cousin just had a baby and her sister is due any day.  My hubby’s brother had a beautiful blue-eyed baby girl 6 months ago and my friend is having a baby as well.  I am all very happy for them, I really am.  I rub their tummy’s, ask them how they are feeling, celebrate the life the life that is about to be brought into this world.  But as I smile there is a dull ache that lies inside.  It’s not cramps from bad food or from menstruation or ovulation, it’s a dull ache from a fear that I may never get to feel another kick, hear the whooshing of the ultrasound, crave pickles, have heartburn radiating through my body or be hunched over a toilet praying to the porcelain gods again.

I’ve received so many comments from people who I know mean well, but they come off so inconsiderate and back-handed.

“You just need to go back and enjoy sex again.  Then you’ll get pregnant.”

I really wish it were that simple.  Out of 28-35 days, depending on your cycle length, you only have about 25 – 30% chance of becoming pregnant.  You have to determine when you ovulate, how long your luteal phase is, how soft and where your cervix is.  I took Siberian Ginseng, Prenatal Vitamins, Evening Primrose Oil, Dong Quai and Green Tea for their ‘fertility’ aid. I was charting my entire cycle.  I charted my basal temperature, my cervical mucus, how tender my breasts were, lower back pain, how heavy my flow, how long it lasted, basically acting as an ovulatory detective searching for clues when my ovaries will release an egg and when to approach Hubby and give a very small timeline to when we have to “enjoy sex”.   Nothing says ‘sexy’ like “We have to have sex right now and tomorrow and I have to elevate my hips for 30 minutes.”

“Just chill out, you are way to stressed.”

Unfortunately stress and infertility often go hand in hand.  Stress can lead to infertility and infertility only increases stress.  It’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t kind of situation.

“You should be grateful you have one child.  Some people don’t have any.”

I would have to say this is the most inconsiderate and cruel comment I’ve ever received.  I am very grateful for my beautiful brown-eyed, blonde curly-haired little Princess.  She is my entire world.  I look at her and thank every lucky star in the universe for giving her to me.  We almost lost her at 3 months, and the cord wrapped around her neck during labour and she was born via c-section.  I hug her and kiss her and tell her how much she means to me every single day.  Most of my happy moments are the ones where I am with her.  But I also dreamt of giving her siblings.  A house full of siblings.  I always wanted to be a mom to many children.  I took care of my sisters and babysat many children.  I love kids.  Their laughs, smiles, their attitudes, everything about them makes me smile.  They are so innocent and happy that it always boggles my brain when people say they annoy them.  The old adage “Barefoot and Pregnant” was my mantra growing up and I couldn’t think of a better dream for me.  I’m not talking about pulling a Dugger, but I wanted at least 4 kids, if not more.  Just a house full of children running around, me ragged and tired, but overjoyed.  The doctor says I’ll be lucky if I am able to have one more.

“There’s always adoption and surrogates.”

Generally it’s these people who know nothing about costs and legal matters.  These options are not always available to everyone.

I think what hurts the most is that I have to look at my little girl when she asks me where the ‘baby’ went and why she doesn’t have a sister and try to come up with some sort of child-friendly response and then look at my Husband, who wanted a house full of kids and try to articulate ‘I’m sorry’ that I let him down.  I am 26, at the supposed height of my fertile years and have to say “I’m infertile”.   I never thought that phrase would ever come from me.  I’m not embarrassed or ashamed.  I have come to know many people who are infertile and are suffering from what I am suffering from.  It’s just an overwhelming sadness, guilt and grief that is so very hard to explain, comprehend and come to terms with.

After 2 years of trying to get pregnant, I have found an online community that has truly helped me realize I’m not alone and one blogger in particular, Practical Katie and her post “When One Isn’t Enough” really did help me understand this.  And to my readers, your kind words have really helped pick me up when I have been feeling down.  I thank you from the bottom of my heart.