Happy 4th Birthday Princess!

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How time has flown by.  It was 4 years ago today that my precious sweet little girl was born.  Born at 7:56 am, weighing 7 lbs, 5 oz and an amazing 21 inches long, my Princess came into this world looking just like her Daddy.  She had a single curl right in the middle of her forehead (a precursor to the personality we would see later) and had wrinkly hands and feet from being overdue.

It was November 9th when my water broke. Hubby looked at me pleadingly, and I said “My water just broke.”  I called the hospital.  They asked if I had any contractions which I didn’t.  They told me to walk to try to bring them on, and if in 24 hours there were still no contractions, I was to come in for an induction.  So on the Monday, Hubby and I walked, and walked, and walked some more.  I had some slight cramping, but nothing that alerted me to what I presumed contractions to feel like.  That night we went to the hospital and they did an ultrasound.  I had lost some fluid, but not all and I was to be admitted.  They gave me Pitocin to start the labour.  It took roughly 4 hours before I felt anything.  The first one, I thought, “this isn’t so bad.” By 1 o’clock, the rest of my water broke.   The pains intensified greatly after that and I began to wonder how women had the ability to yell at their spouses.  I could not utter a word.   I sounded like a dying walrus.  I had never been in labour before, and perhaps I was naïve to believe that the doctors would provide me with some guidance as to how I should do it properly.  I only saw a doctor once or twice, it was mainly the nurses that attended to me.  They  told me to lie in bed, had numerous IV’s coming out of my arms and I was constantly hooked up to a fetal monitor.  I had spoken with OBGYN prior to this and we had discussed pain medications.  I really wanted a natural birth, and I didn’t want an epidural headache so I really did not want to get an epidural.  She told me that she could offer me gas, or nubane as other pain management options  By the time I was in full fledge labour, the nurse asked me what I wanted.  I asked for the gas.  She simply replied, “No, you can get an epidural, or a hot and cold compress.”  I looked at her bewildered.  Why would my doctor say that wasn’t a problem, but this nurse said it was.  While pregnant, they pumped me full of nubane, percocets, oxycontin, morphine and Demerol to ease my pain. Yet now, they were only offering a hot and cold compress.  Maybe it was because she was a night nurse and did not want to listen to my moaning or what I would later learn was that this hospital was not a great one to labour at.  She kept pushing the epidural on me, telling me it would speed my labour and that I would feel nothing.  I had always heard that epidural generally slow labour but why would a nurse lie to me? She went to school, surely she would know the truth.  Finally I conceded, and they brought in the anesthesiologist who they swore was “the best we have.”  They lied.  He hit the left side of my spine twice and the right side once before actually getting it in.  It was excruciating.  Finally once the drugs kicked in, I was able to sleep.  But at 5 am, I could start to feel pain in my left hip.  I had told the nurse that I was in quite a bit of pain, and that my hip was hurting me.  She told me it was a bed sore.  I asked, “I have an epidural, I shouldn’t feel anything.”   She walked away pretending like she didn’t even hear my comment.

By 7 am, The Princess went into distress and I was wheeled away for an emergency c-section.  It happened so fast that I can barely remember the conversation.  They told Hubby to leave the room as they had administer the anaesthesia.  Since I had the epidural, they couldn’t give me a spinal.  So they simply gave me more epidural medication.  They poked me with a needle in the wrist than in the belly and asked “Do you feel pressure, or pain?” It was the same pain.  Then after giving me more, they wiped a wet cloth on my wrist and then my stomach and asked if it was the same feeling.  There was no difference between the sensation of my wrist and the one on my stomach.  They repeated with ice chips and continually told them I could feel my abdomen.  I guess they just believed that with the amount of medication they had given me that there was no way  I could possibly feel anything.  They decided to cut anyway.  I screamed as the scalpel sliced me open and proceeded to vomit and scream “Please stop, that hurts.” The doctors words to me were “We can see the head.” I continued to vomit and scream as it was like being in the movie Hostel or Saw and being awake while being cut open.  Then they realized that there was perhaps I wasn’t exaggerating.  They told my husband to come say goodbye to me.  I was to be put completely under.  I cried as he looked at me and I would later find out they stopped him before he entered the door and asked, “Which one would you want us to save?”

It was 1 pm that afternoon when I finally got to hold her.  She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen.  Her rosy cheeks, little fingers and toes, I had never felt such immediate and pure love and joy before.  She was mine.  All the waiting and complications were all worth it just to be able to hold her.   I kept telling everyone how beautiful she was.  That was all I could say for about an hour.  I was in complete wonder.  I still am.  Every day she grows and I see more and more, and learn as she learns.  She has grown and so have I.

She has given Hubby and I such immense joy over the last 4 years.  A wild personality, strong-willed but kind and loving, my Princess is our entire world.  I was truly blessed to be given such a wondrous little girl.  We have witnessed her first words, first steps, first tooth, first time eating food, first tears, first smiles, laughs and hugs & kisses.  The Princess made us a family and we are forever grateful.  Happy Birthday my sweet girl.  We love you so much!

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