I’m at a loss of how to start off this post. I am filled with such happiness and joy that I don’t have any witty openings. So I’ll just put it out there in the only way I know how – I’m pregnant. I am finally at the 12 week mark of my pregnancy and after many tests, ultrasounds and trips to the doctors, it looks as though Hubby and I may have finally caught our Rainbow.
It has been one roller coaster 3 month period of time. In early September, the doctor had left us with no definite answers as to what in particular was causing the infertility since my hormones levels had balanced and it was more or less “see you in 6 months.” I was still scheduled to see our Reproductive Endocrinologist in October and I held out hope that maybe he would have some answers for us. September we were elbow deep with the Princess adjusting to school life that we didn’t have much time to dwell on our infertility issues. I did begin to purge myself of all my old baby stuff thinking “why keep it when I don’t know if this will happen.” I know that I had begun to go out more with girlfriends and began to enjoy myself without that nagging thought of ovulation, CM and all that other fun TTC stuff. And while I don’t think I will ever get over my miscarriage, I had come to a point where I had grieved, sought help and made peace with it. And then by fluke, I find out I’m pregnant.
It was Oct 8th, and Hubby and I were just sitting around watching TV. I was getting the usual “monthly” symptoms like back pain and moodiness, not to mention being very tender in the chest and for some reason I thought I would try an ovulation test. My cycles are usually 35 days but I was getting these symptoms early so maybe I was ovulating. In all the times I took those tests, not once was it ever positive. But for some reason I took it.
“What the heck,” I thought as I made my trip to the bathroom. Much to my surprise, there it was, that smiley face looking back at me.
“Holy $hit!!! Hubby I’m ovulating!” My mind was racing. I was about 7 days away from my lady friend so I was convinced I had some luteal phase defect and was anxious to tell my RE the next day that I may have found out our infertility issues. I began reading the pamphlet and came across this little nugget of information. Turns out, that an Ovulation tests will show up positive if you are already pregnant. Light bulb! I kept telling myself not to get my hopes up in case it was just another dead-end, but I began researching online. Turns out that the LH surge and HCG are very similar on a cellular level and Ovulation Test will pick up HCG, where Home Pregnancy Tests won’t detect LH. I told myself to wait another day and if I retook the OT and it came back positive, I would buy a HPT. I knew that if it came back negative that I wasn’t pregnant, but alas there that smiley face was staring back at me. The next day I bought a HPT.
“Don’t take it for another couple of days,” Hubby said. “I just don’t want you to get your hopes up. I don’t think we’re pregnant.”
But I couldn’t wait. Off to the bathroom I went and did the test. 3 minutes have never lasted so long in my life. I kept telling myself over and over and over again not to get my hopes up. Finally time was up.
“Pregnant. 2-3 Weeks.” Then the rest was a bit of a blur, a ridiculous mix of crying, laughing, screaming, gasping and squealing at the same time while I sat on the toilet with my pants by my ankles holding a pee covered stick.
“Hun, I’m sorry,” Hubby sighed, but then became instantly speechless when I handed him the stick. He kept looking at me, then the stick, then me again, then the stick with such utter disbelief. “Is this right?”
“We’re pregnant!” I giggled.
I made a doctor’s appointment the following day because I wanted to ensure that everything was going to be fine this time. Every morning I would check my symptoms and some days when the symptoms were not overly prevalent I would think to myself “I’m going to lose it again.” The doctor sent me for blood work and an ultrasound and I saw the heartbeat and my HCG levels were 1900 at 5 weeks which the doctor said that meant that the embryo had stuck really well into my uterine wall. For the next 7 weeks, I took it very easy, ate well, and reduced my stress level wherever I could. We kept it a secret out of fear of what happened last time but I told my sisters and extremely close friends whom I would tell if I miscarried again. Some were overjoyed and others had a more reserved outlook stating they would feel more happy when I hit the 3 month mark. Soon the symptoms hit with the fury of a million pregnant women and I spent many a day huddled over the toilet. I had the feeling that this time it would work. The Princess let our secret out at a family dinner as she is very excited to be a big sister.
I have had a mix of emotions. The nagging feeling of a possible loss mixed with the complete and utter joy and excitement of finally conceiving plus the constant thoughts of what my life will be like with 2 children. Constant fatigue, mood swings and general malaise has been tough at times but I’m not complaining, these symptoms let me know everything is heading in the right direction.