Tag Archives: Go The Fuck To Sleep

I Dream of Sleep!

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I don’t ever remember feeling so tired for so long.  It seems since the moment I became pregnant with my daughter, sleep was a luxury. The definition of sleep is to take the rest afforded by a suspension of voluntary bodily functions and the natural suspension, complete or partial of consciousness.  For all the mother’s out there, let me ask you this question; When was the last time you got a complete nights sleep?

Recently, my daughter has been off her sleeping pattern.  No longer does she sleep from 8 – 7 with a lovely 3 hour nap in between.  Now its up late, wake up in the middle of the night,up very early and barely any nap.  Let the weeping begin.  I prided my daughter’s ability to sleep.  She was a trooper like her Mom.  By 2 months, she was sleeping from 11 – 5 with numerous naps throughout the day.  I never had to fight to put her to bed, she loved her bed.

Let me paint an image for you.  It is a weeknight.  3 am.  I am slumbering away in dreamland, when I awaken to hear the click click of her doorknob.

“Mommy.  Mom.  Mommyyyyyyyyyyy!” She bellows.

Maybe if I don’t answer, she’ll go to bed.

“Daddy.  Dad.  Daddyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!” Nope, she’s awake and NOT going back to bed.

My hubby croaks, “She’s not going back to bed, just answer her.”  She called you last I thought to myself.

“Princess, what’s wrong?”

“Mommy, I can’t open my door.”

“Go back to bed Honey.”

“I don’t want to.” Saw that coming.

“Why not?”

“I want to watch a movie and eat a cookie.”  Well at least she’s honest.

“Boo, it’s 3 in the morning, you’re not watching a movie and eating cookies.”

“Can I come in your bed?”  Ugh.  I crawl over my hubby who is groaning over the thought of sharing a bed with a toddler that awakens each morning in a new and sprawled out position.

I stumble to her door and she is waiting for me on the other side.  She lifts her arms and commands “up” and the lays her head on my shoulder and resumes sucking her thumb.  Oh yes, I have a thumb sucker.

I lay her down in between us.  I am hoping that she will go back to sleep after all, Mommy and Daddy need to work in the morning.  Hope is folly.  First, the constant thumb sucking sound is loud and wet.  I tell myself over and over again “it’s just white noise.”  Ok, sleepy time.  Not likely.  My princess then begins to toss and turn,  flip and flop, until hubby barks for her to lie still and go to bed.  Five minutes go by before the motion begins again.  This time it’s flailing limbs.  They are tapping Daddy’s shoulders, kicking off blankets, digging into Mommy’s back and little fingers twirling around my hair.

“Honey, go to sleep or you are going back to your bed.” I grumble.

“Why?”

“Because its sleepy time.”

“Why Mommy?”

“Because Mommy and Daddy need to work in the morning and you have to go to daycare.”

“Why?”

“Because we have bills to pay.”

“Why?”  My patience is growing thin, and so is hubby’s.

“Because darling it costs money to live.”

“Why?”

“Because nothing is free.”

“Why?”

“Ok, listen,” I sit up, rubbing my eyes.  “Honey, it’s late, Mommy and Daddy are very tired and we really, really, really need sleep.”

She lays quiet.  I lie down and wait until she starts up again.  Time keeps passing and she is remaining quiet.  Maybe she is actually going to go to sleep.  Ahhh, my eyes are heavy.  I begin to drift in and out of sleep.  Just when I am at the brink of sliding serenely onto the night train, this is what I hear;

‘Mommy, I want a pony.” That’s it!  My hubby has had enough.  He picks her up and begins to walk to her room.

“Ok Boo, we’ll see you in the morning.  You gotta sleep in your bed tonight.”

“Ok Dad.”

Finally.  My hubby walks back into the room and turns to me before laying his head down he says, “She is never, ever, sleeping in here again.”

I’m sold.  I check the time, its 4:30, a hour and a half since she woke up and we have got her back into her bed.  Ok, now it’s sleepy time.

Click. Click.

“Mommy.  Mom.  Mommyyyyyyyyy.  I can’t open my door.”

Oh my goodness, what now? 5:25 am and she is wide awake.  Only before I get to answer, she has opened her door and is now staring me right in the face.

“Hi Mommy.  I want to watch a movie and eat a cookie.”  This time, she doesn’t go back to bed.  We are up and our day has officially begun.  I am not usually a coffee person, but on that day, I needed 2 coffees.

Life Before Becoming a Mommy

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For the first time in a very long time, I went out on the town, and had an adult dinner, with adult friends.  We drank, ate ostrich carpaccio and calamari, spoke about work, the world, and life in general at a cool hip restaurant in downtown Toronto.  There was no rushing home to let the babysitter go.  There was no calling to check in.  It was a good night.  A simple night of pure unadulterated fun.  It made me remember the days of up-all-nights (and not the “Go the F*** to Sleep” kind either) and party all day.  The life before diaper rash and bottle feeds, spit up and teething.   The life before becoming a mommy.

I think sometimes we as mother’s get caught up in that label; “Mother’s”.  To the outside world, we simply did not exist prior to the day we gave birth, created life, experienced the most excruciating pain and absolute joy at the same time.  To them, we drew our first breath the same time our children did.  I’d like to think, or hope at least, we are more than just procreators.  For the 22 years before my daughter was born, I was Carley.  I liked her.  I liked her a lot.  I miss her, I miss her a lot.  I never had to think about anyone else, other than myself.  If I wanted to buy a pair of new shoes, I did.  If I wanted to go the movies, I went.  If I wanted to take off for the weekend and not know the destination, I could.

Now, if I want to buy a new pair of shoes, I must think to myself; “Does my daughter need anything first?” “What is the price point and can I fit this into the budget?” “Is this a want? Or a need?”  If I want to go to the movies, this is what runs through my head; “Who’s going to watch her?”  “Movies are at least $45 to go to, is it really worth it? Or can I wait until it comes on the Movie Network?”  As for taking off for the weekend and not know the destination, this is what first comes to mind; “Forget about it!”  From the moment our children are born, we no longer rank #1 on the most important person list, to be honest, I doubt we even rank #5.  We are at the bottom of the totem pole.  Our pets rank higher than we do.

I had a great time this evening, I really did.  Towards the end of the night, however, I was thinking about my Princess.  What she was doing, was she having fun, did she miss me.  I started thinking that it was at this time that we would be just finishing up dinner and starting to get ready for bed with bath time and then story time and then finally off to dreamland.  I miss twirling my fingers around her blonde curls.  I miss our conversations about Monsters and Dinosaurs and Alligators that that romp and stomp in the ceiling and creep and sneak under her bed.  Most of all, I miss her.  So while I don’t always get a new pair of shoes, or get to go the movies, or may never take that trip without a destination until she’s in university, every moment I’m with her makes all that seem so insignificant.  In the meantime, all I can do is be Carley, and be Mommy and try my very best to combine the two as seamlessly as possible.

Book Review – “Go the F***k to Sleep” By Adam Mansbach

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” The windows are dark in the town, child.  The whales huddle down in the deep.  I’ll read you one very last book if you swear, you’ll go the f***k to sleep.”  This is a wildly subversive tale of one parent’s desperate wish to have their child sleep.  I first heard of this book while I was going on Twitter and I kept seeing all these tweets about a new book called “Go the F***k to Sleep.”

I checked out the reviews and many were parents saying how amazing it was and that it truly spoke to the plights of many parents.  My daughter was a great sleeper, but that is not to say that there wasn’t times when she kept me awake for hours, and hours, and hours on end, but I do have many friends that are still, years later, fighting with their children to go to sleep.  The next day at work, I went to the local bookstore and right at the front, there it was.  I read it on my way to the cash, and I was barely able to stifle my laugh.  Upon purchase, the cashier, made me lay one hand on the book, with the other in the air, and had me literally repeat the following;  “I solemnly swear, to never, ever, read this to children.”

This book is definitely not for children but it is for every single parent that has ever been sleep deprived, fought 9 rounds with a child that just won’t go to bed and has themselves thought “Go the F***k to Sleep!”  This book will have you laughing hysterically.  I could barely get out of the store without laughing.  I have suggested it to all my friends, ones that have kids and others who are expecting.  If you are looking for an extra great laugh, check out Samuel L. Jackson’s reading of it on Youtube.

"Go The F***k to Sleep" By Adam Mansbach & Illustrated by Ricardo Cortes of Akashic Books